A Mother's Job is never done- Mom jokes

1. Miss Jones had just given her second-grade students a science lesson. She had explained about magnets, and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time. Miss Jones said, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?" A little boy in the front row proudly said, "You're a mother!

2.My mother taught me LOGIC... "If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store with me."
My mother taught me MEDICINE... "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to freeze that way."
My mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD... "If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job!"
My mother taught me ESP... "Put your sweater on; don't you think that I know when you're cold?"
My mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE... "What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you...Don't talk back to me!"
My mother taught me HUMOR... "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
My mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT... "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.
My mother taught me ABOUT SEX... "How do you think you got here?"
My mother taught me about GENETICS... "You are just like your father!"
My mother taught me about my ROOTS... "Do you think you were born in a barn?"
My mother taught me about the WISDOM of AGE... "When you get to be my age, you will understand."
My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION... "Just wait until your father gets home."
My mother taught me about RECEIVING... "You are going to get it when we get home."
And my all time favorite thing--JUSTICE... "One day you will have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU... then you'll see what it's like."

3. One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three children were outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened. He found her lounging in the bedroom, still curled in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel.

She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.
He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and ask me what in the world I did today?"
"Yes" was his incredulous reply.
She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."